


Owner

by Xyriath



Series: Whisper What it is You Want [4]
Category: Fullmetal Alchemist - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Genie/Djinn, Alternate Universe - Magic, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - Modern with Magic, Djinni & Genies, Ed-level cursing, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-04-23
Updated: 2016-04-23
Packaged: 2018-06-03 21:28:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,021
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6627166
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Xyriath/pseuds/Xyriath
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A genie is supposed to make life easier, not more difficult, but Ed seems to have become synonymous with the unexpected.</p><p>Of course, Roy is beginning to think he wouldn't be able to give him up for the world.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Owner

**Author's Note:**

> I had some initial continuity issues, since it's been so long since I've updated, and I'm very sorry! I think I caught them all, but if you spot something that was already mentioned, then holler. <3 I also retconned some events from Keeper to be in here, because they work better and honestly I have no idea what I'm doing.
> 
> This one will be two chapters! Enjoy!

“So say I wanted to become president—“

“Well you’d probably want to start building yourself up in the community first—“

“Ed.”  Roy glanced over, and the little brat was smirking.

The two of them were descending the steps to the Veteran’s Association.  It had been a successful visit: Roy was well-known in the organization, and he had even… decided to spice things up this time around with his new resident miracle worker.

“Yeah, yeah.  Advice still stands, though.  Better to wish in small chunks than bigger ones.  It’s that ‘being responsible’ shit.  Wish for something to give you visibility— _good_ visibility.  Even better the more specific you get.  Less chance for something to go wrong.  Go for city council or something.  _Then_ you use me to rig the elections.”  Ed waggled his fingers unapologetically.  “Keep moving up.  Mayor, senate, parliament, governor, what the fuck ever your government has.  Gotta make it look natural.”

“Such a standing example of anti-corruption you are.”

Ed just snorted.  “Do you think your governmental process means anything to me?  I’ve seen dozens like it rise and fall.”  Ed turned to give Roy a wry look.  “And enough to know that if you’re inclined to do that sort of thing, there aren’t any protests I can make, isn’t any information I can conceal from you that’ll stop you.”

Though the words were matter-of-fact and uninterested, Roy could feel a chill spread through his blood.  He wanted to protest, to ask why Ed didn’t _care_ that his powers could be misused so, but—

But Ed didn’t have any choice.  And if he was to be believed, Ed had been through enough cycles that…

That it wouldn’t matter, not to him, because nothing ever lasted.  Nothing except Ed.

“You’ve done that before, then?”

Ed let out a bark of laughter, and the tension receded.  Not vanished, but Roy’s skin wasn’t crawling anymore.

“Have you paid _any_ fucking attention to your presidential history?  Let’s just say I doubt you’ll have a hard time guessing the one.”

“That’s comforting.”

“Not really a trait I’d consider myself to embody.”

“But—all right, say I did wish for something vague.  Do you have any say in how it happens?  Do you _intentionally_ make it as chaotic as possible?”  He shot Ed a sharp look.  “And tell me the truth.”

“Hey, I don’t _like_ to kill people, okay?”  Ed’s voice was as sharp as Roy’s look.  “Or cause chaos—not in a bad way; not in a _destroying_ things way..”  There was a bitterness there again, the bitterness that Roy had begun to associate with events in Ed’s past that… he wasn’t entirely sure that he wanted to know about.  “I can sometimes control it, but I’m never sure how much I can.  It’s essentially up to chance.”

“So it’s completely arbitrary, with no certainty for the user and a life of its own.”

“Welcome to being a magic user.”

“Suddenly, I’m finding myself glad I’m _not._ ”

“Good choice.  Especially given what you’ve gotta go through to become one.”

“Is that something you can’t tell me either?”

The “tell me the truth” order must have still been in effect, because Ed glared and said, “I don’t wanna.”

“All right, then.”

Ed’s shock and subsequent relief at Roy’s dropping the subject left Roy’s stomach twisting.  What had Ed’s previous owners _done_ to him?

“So I just need to make sure to use my powers for good.”

Ed scowled.  “ _My_ powers.”

Roy paused, tilting his head and smirking at the thought of wishing for powers himself.  “What if I—“

“No.”

Roy let out an indignant noise of protest.  “You don’t even know what I—“

“No!”

He snorted, rolling his eyes, and continued down the street, Ed scuffing along beside him.  “Fine.  Use _your_ powers for good.”

Admittedly, the fact that he had wished for more funding for the VA might be something to be concerned about, but… it would be fine, he was sure.

“So, him.”  Roy nodded at a homeless man sitting on the street corner.  “I wish that he wasn’t homeless anymore.”

The screeching brakes of the car cut off the very end of Roy’s sentence as it swerved past them, then straight in the direction of the homeless man.  Roy watched in wide-eyed horror— _No_ , he wanted to scream.  _Stop!_   But the car was too fast and his lips were too slow—

It screeched to a halt with a sideways jerk, inches from the man, and the entire street froze in silence.

A car door being wrenched open shattered the spell, and a well-dressed man in a business suit staggered out, looking petrified—almost as petrified as the poor man the car had almost hit, who hadn’t yet gathered his wits enough to stand up.

“Oh my god!” the businessman gasped.  “The brakes—I’m so sorry—are you hurt?  Can I help you?”

Roy turned away, shaking, as the man helped the other up.

“Yeah, you see now, don’t you?” Ed asked softly, taking Roy’s elbow and leading him away.  “I know—I know that guy’s one of the richest in town, that he feels really bad about that, that he’s gonna get that other one, the one you made the wish for, off the streets.  He’ll be happy.  But sometimes it doesn’t work out like that.”  Ed shot Roy a warning look, a hint of that near-omnipresent sulk on his face.  “And I could’ve made it go badly, if I had wanted.”

Roy narrowed his eyes slightly, the hair on the back of his neck prickling.  “Was that a threat?” he asked, meeting Ed’s gaze with his own.  The golden eyes glared back, glittering with their intensity.

And then Ed scoffed, turning his nose up and looking away.

“As if.  The fuck would I have warned you for, then?  That’s just if I were one of the worse ones.”

“Right.”  Roy’s metaphorical hackles subsided, and he unlocked the car doors.  The two of them got in quietly, and Roy started to drive.

—

The silence stretched on, and Roy increased his speed, just wanting to get home.  But the awkwardness remained, until—

“So there’s still a war goin’ on—“

“So you just know things—?“

The two of them stopped abruptly, alarmed at speaking at the same time, until Roy tentatively said, “You first.”

“I was just—last time I was out, there was a war goin’ on too.  Guess some things never change.”

“I suppose not,” Roy said carefully.  “This one—it sounds like it was the same one.  You said you last went back in ten years ago?  It’s technically ‘over,’ but…”  He shrugged.  “Like you said.  Some things never change.”

“And you fought in it.”

“I did.”

“Which is why you were back there.”

“The Veteran’s association?  Yes.  I do some pro bono representation work for some people there, if they really need someone.  It’s not my usual area of specialization, but I know what it’s like to be there.”

“And you wished for that funding.”

“Do you think it’ll be a problem?”

“Dunno.  Guess we’ll see.”

Roy let out a breath.  He _had_ erred on the side of caution until now, for the past few days, with his wishes.  He _sincerely_ hoped that this hadn’t, as Ed would put it, fucked anything up.

“So, as for my question.  You’ve done it a few times.  With that man who was considering hiring me.  Just now, you told me what was going to happen, after the near accident.”  Roy cocked his head, glancing at Ed out of the corner of his eye, as much as he could while still keeping his eyes on the road.  “And yesterday, you warned me that the milk had gone sour.”

Ed snorted.  “Should’ve let you drink it.”

“Hey now,” Roy chided gently, though he couldn’t help smirking a little at the matching smirk in Ed’s voice.  “Tell me.”

Ed huffed.  “Holdover orders.”

“Holdover—what?”

“From previous owners.  They gave me old orders that just… roll on over, until they’re countermanded.  Like, from the beginning, I was ordered not to hurt… I can’t hurt you.  Or any of my other owners.  That’s one that I can’t ever break.  Some orders supersede others, and that’s one you’ll never be able to get me out of.”

“Like the inability to tell me anything useful about your past?”

Ed snorted.  “Like fuck, you big baby.  There are only _certain_ things I can’t tell you about, and they’re about my _origin._   It’s not the same thing.”

“Pardon me,” Roy replied, voice dripping dryness.  “So what about these hold over orders?  Is one of them to read minds?”

“Right.”  Ed let out a huff of laughter.  “No, but I can if you want me to.  This is more…”  He hummed.  “Fuck, I don’t remember how the asshole worded it.”  Though the word was clearly a typical insult, there was no hostility in Ed’s tone; in fact, he seemed to be rather pleased remembering it.  “Somethin’ like… ‘If there’s something I—the owner, you—need to know about a choice I make that could cause harm, then tell me the outcomes.’”  Ed’s voice took on a slightly posh tone before returning to normal.  “’Course, none of that applies to warning you about wishes in advance.”

Roy almost wanted to meet the individual who had made such a wish.  It was clever, clearly made by someone who was wary of consequences and took the care to ensure that Ed’s arbitrary rules didn’t have much wiggle room.  Still, with that criteria about the wishes…

“Wonderful.  So, you warned me about that client because accepting him could have harmed my reputation, or possibly led to more harm to his girlfriend.  Making that wish could have hurt the man I was trying to help—only you couldn’t tell me in advance, so you told me the outcome afterwards.”  His head was beginning to pound slightly.  “Is that about right?”

“Bingo.”

Roy snorted.  The absurdity of having a genie in his car that said “bingo” didn’t escape him.  “The convoluted knot increases.”

“Dude, have you ever fuckin’ _read_ a book about magical creatures?  This has fuck-all on fairy bullshit.”

“Those—wait, fairies are real?”

“Not anymore.”

Not—well, _there_ was a conversation to file away for another time, the ‘another time’ possibly being ‘never.’  “Right.  So, other holdover orders?”

“Don’t call the cops on you.”

Ed’s voice was so matter-of-fact that Roy did a double take—while driving.  “ _Cops?_   What the hell?”

“Last owner was a serial killer, remember?”  Ed’s tone was still so neutral, but Roy felt the metaphorical temperature drop several degrees.  When he glanced over, Ed had propped his elbow on the passenger side armrest and his chin on his hand, staring out the window.

“That’s right.  Shit.”  Roy took a deep breath.  “Did he make you…?”

“Yup.”  Ed enunciated the last sound of the word so much that his lips popped.  “Barry the chopper.  Lost me after he got caught.  I was stuck in the—in limbo after that.  Good thing he didn’t have me for the trial, honestly.”

“Indeed.”  Roy’s voice came out strangled.  He had heard of the name in question, several years ago, and again more recently.  “He was executed last year.”

“Good.”  And the fierceness in Ed’s tone told Roy all he needed to know about the situation.  “I might not have been able to tell, or call the cops myself, but turns out there are ways to lure neighbors into doing it for you.”

“And—for the record, I revoke that order.  If I can?”  At Ed’s noise of assent, he continued.  “If I, or any of your future owners do something that makes you feel you need to call the police, you are welcome to do so.”

He heard Ed take a deep breath.  “Good on you, not ordering me to do it.  That could be a problem if you ever need to rob a bank.”

“Why would I need to rob a bank?”

“That’s right!”  Roy could see Ed straighten and whirl in Roy’s direction out of the corner of his eye.  “What _did_ you do with that lottery ticket?  I’m fuckin’ _dying_ to know!”

Roy smirked.  “What, you can’t use your mighty powers to find out?”  And of course the holdover order hadn’t come into effect—so clearly the action wouldn’t cause harm.

He didn’t have to turn his head to see Ed’s glare: he could feel it boring into his temple.  “Not without your say-so,” came the surprisingly sulky reply.

“Well, you’ll find out, then.”

Ed huffed, shoving back against the seat and lifting his feet to rest them against the dash.

“Feet down.”

“ _God_ , you’re a pain in the neck.”

“Maybe your next owner will be better,” Roy shot back dismissively.

Ed snorted, but was quiet for a few moments.  Then, “Y’know, it’s kinda weird that you’re thinking about future owners.  Most people assume I’m theirs forever.”

Roy considered the statement for a few moments.  “Well, as I understand, I could lose you at any moment, yes?”  The thought sent a surprising twinge through his chest, and not just at the prospect of losing Ed’s abilities.  He pushed it away.

“Well, yeah, you _could._ ”

“And how likely is that?  That is, has anyone managed to hold onto you for—that makes you sound like property.  I’m sorry.”  Fun as Ed might be to tease, some parts of his servitude simply didn’t sit well with Roy.

“Nah, I get what you mean.  Not _that_ unlikely.  I’ve had some people keep me until they died of old age, even.”

“That sounds…”  Morbid?  Depressing as hell?  “Like it might be tough.”

Ed shrugged.  “Can be.”  His voice took on a wistful quality.  “Stuff happens.”

“Tell me about them?  The one you were thinking about just now.  That isn’t an order, but I’d like to hear.”

 “Wh—how do you know if I was thinking about someone?”  Roy could hear the defensiveness in Ed’s voice and tried not to smile.  If he hadn’t known before, he certainly knew now.

“Call it a hunch.  Please?”

Ed let out a huff.  “Well, the guy I’m thinking of—he was pretty canny.  Gave me that first order, the one about telling him if his actions would cause harm.”

“Lucky for me.”

“He’s also the reason I can talk the way I do.”

“Less lucky, then.”

Ed scoffed.  “ _He_ was fond of how I talked.  Didn’t like to be conspicuous, and switching eras the way I did so often, my speech got kinda outta date.  He told me to make sure that my speech was always ‘contemporary, but always suits my personality.’  So it’s changed some—a lot, really—but not the spirit.”

Roy had already zeroed in on the first sentence.  “ _Fond_ , hm?” he asked archly.  “And how about you?  You do sound… ‘fond.’”

He received a glare for his troubles.  “You think I can’t have lovers and be happy being with them, the way I am?”

Roy blinked.  He hadn’t expected such a candid answer to his teasing.  “Lovers?”  _That_ had piqued his interest—and put an interesting spin on things.  “And you say you were with him until he died of old age.”

“Yeah…”

Roy didn’t miss the warning tone in Ed’s voice, but he was still very much considering continuing his questions—

—Blue lights flashed in his rearview window.

“Shit,” Roy growled, glancing at his speedometer.  No wonder.  “Did you call the cops on me?” he grumbled, not _really_ meaning it.

“As if!”

“Just—“  Roy did _not_ want to deal with a ticket right now.  “Get me out of this.  _Without_ hurting anyone.  Or anything.”

“Fine!”

Roy grabbed his license and registration, rolling down the window right as the officer walked up.

The man looked young, with dirty blond hair that framed his face.  The nametag on his chest read “D. Brosh.”

“Sir, can you explain—“

A high-pitched scream pierced the air, and both Roy and officer D. Brosh snapped their heads in its direction, eyes wide.

Where Ed had once been—no, wait, that _was_ Ed.  An Ed who now looked like a harried, exhausted woman, long hair down and mussed, panting heavily—and massively pregnant.

“Why did you stop?” she—he?—screamed, glaring over at the two of them.  “My contractions—“  Upon catching sight of D. Brosh, Ed let out a whimper.  “You got pulled _over?_   We need to get to the hospital, _now!_ ”

As Ed would put it: _fuck._   Was he _insane?_   There _had_ to have been a better way to handle this—mind control, maybe, or a call to an emergency elsewhere—but no, Ed had to go and get himself _knocked up._

He glanced helplessly over at the officer.

He was, Roy noticed with relief, staring at Ed in alarm.  Since Roy had the advantage, he decided to press it.

“No disrespect intended, sir, but we really do need to hurry—“

“Right!”  The officer’s voice was strangled, and he pulled back.  “I’ll let you go with a warning.  Careful with the speed limit, all right?”

With a mumbled “thank you,” Roy drove off, taking the next exit.  The officer, thankfully, did not follow.

It wasn’t much longer before they pulled into Roy’s driveway.  Roy parked, then turned to give Ed a long, hard stare.  Ed, back to normal, blinked innocently at him.

“What?”

“I’m sure you think you’re hilarious,” Roy snapped.  “But really?”

“Hey, you think after a few dozen millennia, my gender means anything to me?”  Ed was eyeing him critically, like he was considering starting a fight.

“I could care less about that!  That isn’t the point here!  Couldn’t you have picked something more… subtle?  He could have decided to escort us to the hospital!”

Ed relaxed a bit, then shrugged.  “Yeah, but he didn’t.  It ended up okay.”

Roy just pulled the keys out of the ignition, closed his eyes, and pinched the bridge of his nose.

“Besides.”

Roy glanced over.

“Did you see his fuckin’ _face?_ ”  Ed cackled.  “I thought he was gonna keel over!”

At that, Roy did have to crack a grin.

It _had_ been pretty funny.


End file.
